Kids! Hyper little kids running around everywhere! Hundreds of screaming little french kids crawling all over every square inch of the park, spreading their little french germs. And, apparently, one fat little american tourist kid standing off to the side, all alone. And one guy in front who looked like he was trying to breakdance while having a seizure.

We couldn't figure out why none of the adults sitting or standing around watching that crowd of tiny humans caught in an enormous red spiderweb didn't seem in the least bit concerned, but rather than stick around and ask - and possibly expose our own selves to being eaten by some gargantuan arachnid - we decided it was about time to get the hell out of there.

Of course, no visit to such an historic and fundamentally disappointing location would be complete without a photo of me standing there. Sadly, I forgot to bring that day's newspaper with me in order to prove I was still alive so that I could collect that ransom. I could have used it too, at the rate I was already going through Euros on this trip.